I Had a Plan. My Daughter Had a Different One. And Hers Turned Out to Be Better.

When I was pregnant, I knew two things about breastfeeding. I wanted to do it, and I was going to give it everything I had to make it work. I had a plan. Breastfeed for two years and then gently wean. It felt thoughtful and generous and like I had really done my research.

My daughter had a different plan. And hers turned out to be better.

The Thing Nobody Tells You About Weaning

Here is something I genuinely did not know before I lived it: the longer you breastfeed, the harder weaning can become. Not always, and not for every child. But for many of them, especially the ones who are deeply connected to nursing, the older they get the more aware they become of it. It is no longer just food. It is comfort, connection, communication and the one thing in the world that makes everything feel okay again.

Weaning a newborn and weaning a toddler who looks you in the eye and asks for it are two very different conversations.

I started thinking about weaning around eighteen months. We had gotten to a comfortable rhythm, nursing a few times during the day, and it felt like a natural time to start gently transitioning. I had heard of the "don't offer, don't refuse" approach, which is exactly what it sounds like. You stop initiating nursing sessions but you don't turn your child away when they ask. It's a gentle, gradual way to let breastfeeding wind down on the child's timeline rather than an abrupt stop.

I was ready to give it a try. And then life had other plans. My daughter went through some unexpected health challenges that changed everything.

When Nursing Became Something More

Without going into detail, my daughter went through a difficult period health-wise around that same time. We went from nursing a few times a day to nursing every forty-five minutes. She needed it in a way she never had before. It was the one thing that comforted her, the one thing that made her feel safe when everything else felt uncertain.

There was no version of that moment where I was going to take it away from her.

And somewhere in those weeks, my thinking shifted completely. I stopped seeing nursing as something I was doing on a timeline and started seeing it as something we were doing together, for as long as she needed it. The plan I had made before I knew her, before I understood what she would need, quietly became irrelevant.

She led. I followed. And it turned out to be exactly right.

The Best Things Are Sometimes the Unplanned Ones

I joke that I haven't offered in six months, but the truth is I still do. And sometimes, to my genuine surprise, she says no. But she still very much asks, and I almost always say yes. Except while I'm driving or mid-playdate at the park. Both of which, apparently, are completely reasonable times to want to nurse if you are two.

We are somewhere in the gentle, unhurried process of her finding her way to not needing it anymore, and I am trying to follow her lead there too.

I won't pretend it's always easy. There are touched out days and days when I'm tired. Those feelings are real. But when I zoom out and look at what this journey has actually been, I see something I never could have planned for.

A level of comfort and connection that has carried my daughter through some of her hardest moments. A bond that was built not because I stuck to a schedule or followed a method, but because I kept showing up and kept listening to what she needed.

I really did not think I would still be nursing a two and a half year old. But it has been one of the most meaningful things I have ever done. And I think that is the thing about parenthood that nobody can fully prepare you for. Sometimes the things you don't choose end up choosing you. And sometimes those turn out to be the best things of all.

For the Moms Still Nursing Their Toddlers

If you are in this season right now, whether you planned for it or stumbled into it, I see you. The touched out days. The wandering hands. The feeling that you are the only person you know who is still doing this.

You are not alone. And what you are giving your child is something that cannot be replicated.

I created the Extended Breastfeeding Affirmations for Moms meditation for this exact season. For the days when you need a reminder that what you are doing is extraordinary, even when it doesn't feel that way. It's a gentle, three-minute affirmation audio that validates the hard parts and lifts you into a place of genuine pride for the journey you are on.

Because you deserve to feel proud of this. Not just okay with it. Proud.

Ready to feel supported in your extended breastfeeding journey? Click here to listen to the Extended Breastfeeding Affirmations for Moms, available now as an instant digital download.