The Crib We Never Used and Everything I Learned About Cosleeping

There is a beautiful crib in my daughter's room. I spent weeks picking out the perfect one, my parents bought it for us, and we were all so excited. It has a coordinating dresser, adorable hand-painted Etsy prints on the wall, and a carefully chosen color palette that I spent way too many hours planning on Pinterest before she arrived.

She has never slept in it. Not once.

For the longest time, that crib felt like evidence of my failure as a new mom. A very expensive, very beautiful reminder that things had not gone according to plan. These days, it's where she keeps her stuffed animals. And honestly, I like it that way.

When Everyone Has an Opinion and Nobody You Know Cosleeps

Here is something I didn't fully anticipate about becoming a mother: I would not have a single friend who coslept. Not one.

So when my daughter refused the crib and I found myself nursing her to sleep in our bed night after night, I had no frame of reference. No friend to call who would say "yes, same, here's what worked for us." No one to normalize what was happening. Just a lot of well-meaning people asking whether she was sleeping through the night yet, and offering advice on swaddles, sleep schedules, and sleep training methods they swore had worked for their baby.

I listened. I really, really listened. And in hindsight, that is where things got complicated.

The Things I Bought and the Months I Lost

In the early months, getting my daughter to sleep in her crib became my mission. I was convinced that if I just found the right product or the right method, it would click. I spent money I didn't need to spend on every sleep solution I could find. Swaddle blankets in every size and style. Sound machines. Special sleep music. And then there was the Merlin Magic Sleep Suit, which I can only describe as a polyester straightjacket that I genuinely cannot believe I put my baby in. All of it with the hope that this would be the thing that finally worked.

None of it worked. Because what my daughter needed was simply to be next to me.

It took me five months to finally lie down beside her and nurse her to sleep. Five months of fighting something that, looking back, was completely natural. And then it took almost a full year after that to truly feel at peace with the decision, because there is a lot of noise out there and learning to tune it out takes time.

I don't say any of this to make anyone feel bad for the choices they made or the advice they gave. Everyone was doing their best with what they knew. But I do wish someone had handed me a different book at the beginning.

The Books That Changed How I Thought About Cosleeping

Two books fundamentally shifted my perspective and I recommend both of them to every mom I talk to who is navigating sleep.

The first is The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. If you are in the thick of broken nights and wondering why your baby won't sleep the way everyone told you they would, this book is for you. Sarah explains the biology of infant sleep in a way that is validating rather than prescriptive, and reading it was the first time I understood that my daughter wasn't broken and neither was I.

The second is Safe Infant Sleep by Dr. James McKenna, which I wish had been in my hands from day one. Dr. McKenna is one of the world's leading researchers on mother-infant sleep, and his work explores the biological and evolutionary reasons why babies sleep best close to their mothers. Reading it didn't just make me feel safer about our choice. It made me feel proud of it.

Between these two books, I stopped asking what I was doing wrong and started understanding what I was doing right.

What I Was Gaining All Along

Here is the thing about those early months that I couldn't see when I was in them. While I was grieving the freedom I thought I was supposed to have, the naptimes that were supposed to be mine, the evenings that were supposed to feel like evenings again, I was actually building something I couldn't yet put a name to.

The transition into motherhood is a profound one, and I don't think we talk honestly enough about how different life looks on the other side of it. In the beginning, I hadn't quite prepared myself for how different my days would look. What I couldn't see yet was everything I was gaining. A bond that was being built breath by breath, feeding by feeding, night by night. A little person who felt completely and utterly safe because I was always there.

I wish I had trusted that sooner. I wish I had given myself permission to lean into it instead of fighting it for the first five months of her life. But I also know that I got there eventually. And two and a half years later, I wouldn't change it.

You Don't Have to Justify Your Choice

If you are cosleeping right now, whether by intention or by necessity or somewhere in between, you do not owe anyone an explanation. Not your parents, not your pediatrician, not the mom at playgroup whose baby slept through the night at six weeks.

Your baby feels safe next to you. That is not a problem to solve. That is a bond being built.

I created the Cosleeping Affirmations for Moms meditation for exactly this, for the moms who need a few quiet minutes to release the outside noise, settle into their choice, and be reminded that what they are doing is something beautiful. It's a gentle, three-minute affirmation audio designed to help you feel validated, peaceful, and fully present in this season before it passes.

Because it does pass. And you will want to have been all the way in it.

Ready to feel at peace with your cosleeping journey? Click here to listen to the Cosleeping Affirmations for Moms, available now as an instant digital download.